Codependence

“Don’t do drugs.”

A ubiquitous message these days, and all I can say is that it’s not doing much. We all do drugs, don’t we? Maybe you’re more of a hippie than I am and only heal your physical ailments with herbs, but most people take some Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Advil, and if we’re feeling crazy, NyQuil. See, I don’t believe the problem is the drugs themselves. Some people do need percocets. Some people do need xanax. I think the actual problem is codependence—when you are reliant on something: a drug, a person, an object, anything, and you cannot live without that thing. Today, we’re discussing what it truly means to be codependent, the negativity in codependency, and how to let go of things you are codependent on.

As stated previously, codependence is a state in which you constantly need something to live your life normally. You are codependent with something when you cannot live without feeling some sort withdrawal after going a few days without said thing; or have problems thinking or making cognitive decisions. When you’re codependent, your life is less in your control. When you are codependent with a substance, such as drugs, you cannot live your life without those drugs, and I believe that’s a problem. If those drugs are helping you facilitate a process, that’s fine. However, if you cannot go through that process on your own, you should not rely on something to help you before you are able to do it yourself. Of course, some substances do things that humans cannot, but if you become codependent, you’ll begin to use those substances for reasons that aren’t the reason you have them, such as the aforementioned percocets and xanax which can cause great harm if used incorrectly, as seen from the artists we lost to them such as Lil Peep and Mac Miller. If you are codependent with a person, then you’re not able to do certain things for yourself that that person did or does for you.

Now, if you are codependent on a person, there are other things that happen besides not being able to perform certain tasks without the aid of that person. You’ll have difficulty making decisions, difficulty identifying and understanding your feelings and emotions, difficulty trusting in yourself, poor self-esteem, and valuing others approval more than you value yourself. You’ll also have poor boundaries socially and be more reactive (more adamancy when told you’re wrong, or told something about yourself that would trigger identity protective cognition). If you’re codependent with substances, you’ll often be in denial, but will struggle with going even a week (if not a day), without the/those substance(s). Drugs, if abused or misused, will cause you quite a few problems. Honestly, even when used correctly, the risks are still there. Acetaminophen, an ingredient in Tylenol, causes around 150 people to go to the hospital every year. And that ingredient would cause many more problems if used incorrectly. Now let’s say you’re not codependent with anything. Your life is yours, and you require nothing more than food, water, and oxygen to live it (some medical technologies such as pacemakers are more necessary. Codependence happens superfluously. If you literally cannot live life without something, that’s necessity, not codependency. I am more than glad we’ve been able to cure so many ailments with such technologies and other methods,) then well done, I bet that teddy bear you couldn’t sleep without when you were five misses you very much. But if you are codependent, when you try to let go of codependency… it’s not usually an enjoyable process.

Now, if you are codependent, don’t let this defer you from overcoming your codependency. It’s a tough process, but more than worth it. I’m not here to sugar coat, because it definitely will take lots of both time and energy, and it will more than likely cause you pain. However, getting complete control of your life back is important. The process will be worth it in the bigger picture. If you are codependent with drugs, alcohol, or some other substance, I can tell you a lot of things, and they all may work, but I recommend that you go into rehab. Face to face guidance is a lot better than reading a post on some teenagers blog. With that said, the first thing you should do is understand what you’re codependent with, very specifically. What makes you want to do it (the cue), what does it make you do (the routine), and what does it give you that keeps you doing it (the reward)? Once you understand that, actually want to stop being attached to it. With every atom in your body and every ounce of your will, you need to truly, without a single doubt, want to let it go, or else this process becomes near impossible. Now when you know the cue, routine, and reward, you can mess with the cycle. These cycles are often built deep in the basal ganglia of the brain, and destroying them is challenging. To combat this, when you have your cue, change the routine to give yourself a similar reward. If you’re codependent with soda, try to drink some juice instead when you feel thirsty.Better yet, water. They’ll fulfill thirst and taste pretty great (if you don’t like the taste of cold water, you are wrong). That’s very simple advice, but it works with most things. The scale changes often, and sometimes you have to change the routine and go down a ladder. Some tips I can provide; rely on your friends, think less negatively because optimism will help facilitate the process—that’s not an opinion—and be patient and forgiving with yourself. And when you finally destroy your codependency, do not, under any circumstances, touch that thing again. Unless you are able to increase your discipline a hundred-fold, don’t risk the relapse.

There’s a lot of things that aren’t great for humans. However, one thing we always hear is, “Too much of anything is a negative thing.” Codependency is more than too much of something. Keep your life your’s. Don’t share it with something, and don’t give it just give it to someone. It will harm you and make living life harder. But if it happens, there’s always a way out, and if you want it, you’ll find that way out.

I hope this post helped. I’ll try my best to integrate more objectivity into my posts once more, but now and then there will likely be posts that are based on things that science and math hasn’t or can’t explain. Thanks for reading, have a wonderful week, and I’ll see you the next. Peace.